Hey what’s going on guys, good morning, my name is Antonio Gurule, this is the Live Loud live podcast, we have not done an episode for quite some time now I’ve recorded a few before my fourth son was being born.

And before, which is kind of what I want to talk to you about today. But I want to share a really cool experience. And to tell you what I’m going to talk about, I’m just going to get it out right and right away, is I did a psilocybin journey or session with a friend of ours who is a therapist, a healer, in this facility, so it was guided.

And I wanted to just share my experience and we you know a little bit about why I did it and what the future kind of holds for that. And that was a part of, you know, part of the part of the interest in it is there was just so much in my life that I felt I just felt stuck stuck is the best way to describe it. I feel like I’ve been living in the past. And my anxiousness and frustration about trying to be a father and providing for my family. And you know, savings and housing, it’s not just about the material things, it’s just about, you know, about their their safety.

And in parenting, I apologize, I got this weird hiccup about parenting and about, you know, you know, do we save for them for their college do we save for them to help them with this, because we were fortunate enough to have my parents do that, and a lot of different things. And in the past, you know, this lived out life podcast was a medium in direction of helping sharing information that can help you through health and fitness.

And we talked about this wellness wheel wellness wheel model multiple times, and doing these, these audits in these check ins with all those categories in your life, whether that be spiritual, financial relationships, your actual physical health itself. And I’m going to preface this story with in the recap of what happened with the last few months. Now, after having a new baby, the last few months are always a little crazy.

And that’s how it was for us. And there’s always a little bit more stress, you’re not sleeping as well. You know, obviously babies have certain needs in from toddlers and older kids. And then you had the other toddlers feel that energy shift and change because you’re not giving them the same time and attention that they had previously. But it’s just a lot of energy and commotion.

And so notoriously those times are always I would say a little bit more challenging, if you will. But this the all those things that was our feeling was not from just the last few months, this had been years and years and years of stuff, just compiling and stacking on each other. And it kind of came to this, this point, this culmination where everything just kind of I don’t want to say erupted because there wasn’t anything bad. But just spilled over is the best way to describe it.

And we use this analogy of spilling over. And that’s when symptoms are usually created, right, these symptoms and these things are happening within your body, but oftentimes they’re going unnoticed or unregulated and or ignored. And then eventually, what sometimes happens is you just read this culmination point and everything dumps completely exaggerated and then stuff spills over. And this is what was happening to me in my life. Right.

And I was be I was overwhelmed, I was stressed. And we’ll talk a little bit about you know, how those external environments or stressors are coming on, but then also, it was just my relationship with those and how I was not handling stuff, right. And, and the key here I want everyone to take away with is everybody is at a different point in time in their life. And I was at this point in my life and the history and experience of dealing with these types of things was not dealt with well in the past nor did I learn I would what I would argue skills and or those skills that I had learned had been overrun by a different program or default mode that that served my body and what my body thought was better but not necessarily.

And over the years it just built up from and this goes back this goes high school to college to be honest, it’s not just the last few years of having kids and to the point where you know, you’re shorter with with with friends and family and you know me as a parent, just more stress on the kids and not having this leeway of action on being kids and being too rigid and all this stuff and you know, my wife could feel it and I could feel it. And you know, I know Nothing like a panic attack or Emily dabit is just feeling like just like,

Fuck, I don’t know what next to do blah, blah, blah. And that’s what stuff is, you know, setting goals. And we’ve created these visions and stuff. And I know part of it is just, you know, the perseverance on that. But when you get into this place, or just feel stuck, it’s very hard to mentally get out.

And those and that’s what I just did not have, it did not have what I thought was enough tricks, tools, or understandings or practice or formulas that can help me get out of that. And I was just stuck, and I kept spinning. And I’m sure a lot of you feel this way. And then and then what happens is, when you feel that way, you end up forcing it more, I gotta do this, I gotta do this, I should be this, I should be that and I need to do this.

And I need to do that. And one of my biggest shifts from this weekend is is, is shifting a lot of that from should to must in, and we’ll go over that too. And I have to to get Tuesday, and I’m just going to, I’m going to introduce them, we’ll get into that here in a little bit. Excuse me, but that’s what it was. And then, and then with that I just physically started feeling drained, like I’m getting these crashes.

And you know, there’s another element to that, which we’re also going to talk about, and you know, I’m not sleeping well, certain aches and pains are hurting more than others. I’m not working out the same amount that I that I would like to in that my body enjoys. And everything just felt forced, everything felt frustrated, everything felt stuck. And it just kept just like kind of boiling up.

And God bless my friend Ashley, she’s been in this world for the last 10 years. She’s currently getting her PhD. in psychedelic therapeutics, she has helped so many people, and you know, wives Talk That Talk. I’m talking with my buddy and her husband, and you know, we’re having a good time and my wife is sharing, you know, with her love for me is just, you know, some of the stress and subsequent on and obviously, you know, me and me and me and Brian are talking because we’re like, oh, man, this this and you’re thinking and we’re talking about investments and all this and how can we set our family up for the future? And Ashley just reached out to me, she’s like,

Hey, I know you got a lot going on. If you’re curious about what my work can do for you, let’s have a conversation. And I’m like, Hey, I’m totally open, like I need something. And it’s one of those things is when there’s Cairo or PT, there’s so many fantastic practitioners and healers out there, that sometimes you just got to be open to that I knew what she did. I just didn’t feel like I was at that point, because I was you know, being resistant. And there was an ego to me figuring out like, I want to be able to figure this out on my own. And that has been a big struggle of mine is just asking for help. In general, whether it’s delegating tasks, even asking my wife and I need to do something about the house because I feel that maybe I feel more validated through helping more who knows there’s a number of different things, but I have always struggled to do that.

And so for me, it was just note, this is my issues. I’m gonna figure it out, just like I’m just gonna keep, you know, trudging along, and I’ll have a breakthrough. I’ve you know, I’ve honestly felt that perseverance was part of it is just, this is just a, this is just a small bump in the road, it happens to everybody, I’m just gonna figure it out. It’ll be good. But then I started realizing just like why, like, if someone if someone knows a better way and or can guide you down a better way to get you there faster, why wouldn’t you even?

Why would you even just have a conversation around that or explore that opportunity? Now I know there’s financial and time there’s a cost for that, right? So there’s, there’s there’s something to consider there. But some sometimes that investment is what’s needed and necessary. And this is that time I just, I’m just like, I’m done, I’m, I’m stuck. I feel somewhat broken, frustrated, I don’t feel at peace, and then that just spills out, right, that just spills out into so many different avenues. You’re not enjoying life, you’re not seeing things because you just get into this program of reliving the past and being anxious about the future. And as they say, Today’s the present, and you’re not enjoying that gift. And that’s where I was day in and day out.

And so that brings us to my first jurnee session with psilocybin. And we did a breakdown of you know, not necessarily the expectations, but some of the things that are just going on. And then she guides you to help ask certain questions, or what would this look like if you did X, Y and Z and a lot of this just came back down to just holding space and and I’m going to walk you through as much as I can memory and recall. And we’ve gone through some sessions we’re gonna go through a follow up on this is only a week ago, of a little bit more detailed on certain things