What’s up, guys, welcome back to another episode of The Live Loud live podcast. My name is Antonio, your host today the Live Love Life podcast. For those of you who are here, just thank you. I like I like doing these, I like doing these. And that’s it’s a funny thing where you know, so much of our lives are dependent on outcomes. And that is how I have been, I don’t want to say program but, but thought things were supposed to be. And don’t do anything, unless there’s some sort of outcome, forgetting that then the outcome of doing something is your own personal satisfaction, enjoyment or happiness, or whatever that might be. And this is just another form of communicating that I find to be super enjoy. It’s super, super joyful joy, what I’m talking about right now, I tend to enjoy a lot. Now I will say, me personally, and this is just scheduling. Logistics is I prefer to have a conversation with somebody else. Most of us don’t like, you know, just only having a conversation with myself, which is sometimes what it feels like. I’m like, literally thinking about something as I’m rattling it off. But I do have some thoughts prepared. It’s not just me spitting off top my head. But sometimes I like how that goes. Right. And that’s what I wanted to talk about today is this reflection. Opportunity. Now, this is a, let’s call it a recap of the last. What would that been two month and a half? Since my life last psychedelic therapy session, and the overall things are good, things are good. And you know, I think some people would hear that and be like, well, good, doesn’t sound as good as it could be. I’m real good. What’s added to that, like, I’m really good. And I’m going to talk a second here, about me. And this is kind of kind of weird, and sometimes interesting. Because very rarely, I’ll take that back, some people like to talk about themselves a lot. We’re not gonna get into that. I don’t like to talk about myself a lot. And I’ve been trying to talk or think about myself a lot to help me. And it has been a good reflection, in the sense where there are times as I’m self reflecting or thinking that I am thinking too much. And then I tell myself to stop and sit and just breathe. My mind will oftentimes as I’ve previously shared, I’ll go seven layers deep into something. And sometimes it is a good idea I II, oh, this would be cool. What would that look like this, this, this and this, oh, then I would need to do this, this and this. And ultimately, logistically, I would have to also do this. So that’s kind of good. But oftentimes that seven layer depth, that seven layer dip, that seven layers deep that I’m going is oftentimes completely unproductive where some thought would pop into my head, and it could have been something I remember from the past or something I’m worried about in the future. You see where I’m going with this. And all of a sudden you’re playing this, what if scenario about things that, you know, the statistical chance of something like that happened is so so rare, and I can feel it kind of get this work up in me, where I’m either stressed or anxious about it, and not overly where I’m having like a panic attack, but you’re like, Damn, how the hell did I get there? Right. And sometimes this is a worrying, whether it be financial, or my health or the health of my kids, or you know what I’m doing as a parent. That’s a big thing that Michelle and I they’re working on lately is parenting. We’ve been reading a great book, it’s called good inside, and dealing with the different layers of complexity of your kids as individuals and their own unique ways of learning and understanding and how they feel man heavy, hard stuff. And we get into this parent guilt trip of like, oh, oh shoot, I’ve said this, or I did this wrong. And if I’m doing that consistently, and now what I’m dealing with is probably something that happened to me and my past was kind of into my kids. And you know, that’s how it just goes. But ultimately, right, the reflection of understanding this has been super helpful, because in the past, what would happen is I would spiral spiral spiral spiral into all these unique situations, and then they would just get, you know, a mind of their own or have this momentum. And that momentum would just carry further hype. hypothetical, what if scenarios, that again, some could happen, majority probably won’t happen. But just the energy of that all, even if it was, if even if it was in a positive direction, was weighing down. And so one of the things that I have found to be super helpful in this post integration is the simple fact of reflection. And I have been, I don’t know all the names, so I apologize, because this is against so new. Listening to different academics, philosophers, you know, I don’t even know how necessarily thought leaders, these would, how would you even classify some of these individuals? Psychologists, a lot of them are psychology as we’re trying to understand consciousness in our mind. And there is, there’s an amusing point to all of that, which I am nowhere near the understanding that some of these individuals are, but yet that then sometimes my thought is, you know, this whole thought of why we think we know so much, but we really don’t still. And that’s what’s so cool. And yet, that was what was so daunting to me previously, is wanting to know all the answers needed to know the answers. What’s the best for this? What’s the best for this? You know, we deal with this so much in our office, and I have my own worst patient? What’s the best exercise for this? I don’t know, let’s try some of these. Right? What’s the best diet? I don’t know, let’s try some of these right? You know, this reflection of ultimately Sandy, just like I was beating myself to pieces, trying to find the one the answer that this the that and forgetting the actual journey piece, and I used to mock and be super frustrated at the quote, or the saying is the man that enjoys the journey better than the destination will go farther than the man who’s who, who’s who loves the destination. Because I was always like, well, you know, I need more of this, I need more of that, you know, presenting a sense of lack of what I don’t have. And you know, I need to be more financially stable, I need to be smarter, I need to understand this more. And that was putting so much pressure and stress on me from not enough of a performance standpoint, but like an understanding standpoint. And then honestly, one of the one of the most relieving things that I experienced in the first session is this understanding is like there is no answer. And depending on there’s so many factors that influence where you are right now, and to determine that you need to do this this or this to be in a different place. You have to take so many things into consideration. And so what I have experienced over the last little bit is this constant battle of letting go and I still don’t got it I still don’t sit on habit. Still working on it. And I still feel like you know, I was just sharing this with the show the other day I still feel like there’s this thing like I’m so close to jumping off and soaring or doing whatever but there’s still this hesitation or reservation and in a lot of this is because this is unknown. This is so unnatural to me. Even just saying it I’m like, really this is anatomy which is comical. It just seems so unnatural to who I was and what I believed before and my lack of understanding and ultimately now from a lyric from a song that’s just like I just play over and over. And I apologize never looked up the pronunce the pronounce the right pronunciation but sad thing, Trevor Hall. I want to know more than I know right now. And in trying to just drive this curiosity of There’s so much I don’t understand. There’s so much we don’t understand, and I won’t ever know and I gotta just let that shit go for sure that I will ever fully understand or comprehend something to its greatest stability, and just being more open about the unknown and learning and this is something that I’ve been reading, listening to a lot of Dr. Joe Dispenza, His work of, of the uncomfortableness of what the unknown is, knowing. That’s why we live in the Times background. That’s why we oftentimes live, this is not my thoughts. This is again, I’m reiterating what I’ve been gathering I’m learning I’m trying to give credit where credit is due,

Anthony Gurule  10:27

is living in the past in the present in the or sorry, the past in the future, right? Is we remember the past well, so that’s easy to live into. And it’s very specific, because it already happened. And yet we are then trying to create this predictable future, if we just keep doing what you’re doing is pretty much going to repeat itself. And it’s the today of the kind of this unknown of just being like, man, anything can happen. And being okay with that, and being open to not knowing everything. And so, my Antonio, three months ago, four months ago, whenever this kind of started, if I would have assessed myself of what I’ve been doing over the last few months that I would have honestly been like, yeah, I take that back. I’m trying to be soft on myself here. Like he’s a slacker, he’s not doing it all the things that he should be doing, based on what I’ve, you know, previously thought my goals or wants were. And these last few months, I’m still not there. There is no there. I’m still not where I would comfortably want to be from like a grounded standpoint, but I’m good. I’m really good. And I feel good about that. And I have been taking more time for me, and I’m trying to be the better client patient student that I would tell somebody else to do. I tell tell, I encourage I coach, I communicate with others being like, Hey, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Guilty, right, run myself. And again, I’ve shared it before I Stress hives. Like I was putting myself through everything cortisol levels high were everything, I was burning myself to the ground to just, you know, get an inch further. And everything was forcing it was 14 as foreseen. And I still don’t know how I still don’t know how but I’m learning how to sit and think and breathe. And sometimes not think but create feelings about who I want to be and what that feeling would be so that I can better assimilate myself now in this present future to more of who I want to be think I could be desire to be in desire. And wants maybe aren’t the right words indicating that I am not enough now but more of just this potential of who I who I could be right, because I think that was one of the themes that I came across is this untapped potential, whatever that meant is I knew I’m not living the best that I could live. And then it and then it’s where it gets super interesting is like, Alright, well that rubber hits the road, what are the things that I’m doing? What are my actions and behaviors that are currently now that are not helping me? Be the person that I could be? Right? What are the repeatable actions that I’m doing that are usually then you know, my paths defining myself or programming myself or whatever however you want to describe it? Is we are creatures of habit. So what are my habits that I am doing that are not in alignment? Or in in congruence with who I know I can be? Those are the tough ones. Those are the tough ones because you just some of these things you just do. Right? And for me a lot of it is is diet and part of this diet thing is like I’m not you know, well while we look from the inside and we do like a blood plan or something. I could polish some things off some of these are genetic as far as like you know, triglyceride and certain cholesterol levels and things like that, but argument at least can still be changed dramatically. But from but from if you look at like what I eat on a on a week, you know what kind of encourages 8020 rule but now it’s whisking interesting. It’s like okay, well, that’s fine. That’s that’s what you were doing previously. But if you want to get here, and you’re here, that might not work. And one of the biggest things for me, which I have struggled for a while is and this comes back in tune to to this kind of pouring from an empty cup of just doing the things that you don’t need to do to make you the better the best person that you could be is See this? Oh, how do I want to say it? Not slack, but this kind of forgiveness around just kind of eating whatever that’s that’s kind of how I’ve always lived my life as like a young teenage boy, shit, you could put as much food as you want. I mean, I could eat it and I would still be relatively Lean thinking like, Oh, I’m just eating, I’m so lean, I’m probably doing okay. And maybe it’s just 36 talking to me, and things are changing. But ultimately, it comes down to like a discipline. And I was thinking about this today. And Jaco willing says this, over and over again, disciplines equals freedoms, but it’s the nose in life, that gives you the yeses. By saying no to all these things you get, if you want to say it better, yes, as you get more opportunities, right. And that’s, it’s is, I’m saying this out loud. And that’s part of what this just communication is, is me saying that things that I know, to somebody else, and then it’s always a self reflection. And I’m going to say two things on that real quick to try to tie it all together and wrap up is, is oftentimes, I’m saved real quick for fights on my head, the things that you don’t want to do is the thing that you need to do, and the things that you oftentimes either criticize, or or, I don’t know, if you actually criticize or judge or look at somebody else are oftentimes an inward reflection of what you’re actually struggling with. Okay, let me put those together, is, there’s so many times again, like this self reflection of me being the the, not the ideal client is, when I am when I am talking with somebody about those changes or doing things and I’m just simply saying, in my head, I’m like, I’m looking, I’m talking to this other person who is not me, but I’m talking to me, I’m literally saying like, well, you know, you know, you need to do this. Like, if you want to lose weight, you got to eat better, you know, you need to do this. And it’s so funny, as even when I’m getting mad at my kids about something, I’m like, You’re not like, what was an example I just had is, on my Hey, you’re, I don’t understand why you’re so frustrated. Like that. Like, it seems like we’re super frustrated, a whole bunch of things. And all this stuff is making you super anxious, and you’re really short your brother or sister, your parent, or your mom and dad and I, and all that stuff. And as I’m saying, and I’m like, I’m literally I’m talking to Mike, I’m talking to one of my kiddos, but I’m talking to me, like everything, I’m getting mad at them about, um, I’m not mad at myself about but I know, it’s something I need to change. And so that outward expression of my frustration to somebody else, is just what I’m frustrated with myself. And it’s funny when you actually start like, thinking about that and understanding again, how just like a second nature of program is to lash out or reach out or, you know, take it out or those those sounds so negative but but have that expression towards somebody else rather than yourself. And so I just want you to think about that as oftentimes the thoughts you have towards somebody else, or, or something that maybe pops into your head because of some of the analysis is sit on that and see like, is that actually what I’m frustrated with them about? Or is that something I’m frustrated with myself about? You know, which is a super interesting, just thought exercise exercise to do. And I apologize when I read on that note, I completely forgot what that part two was. Forgot my notes over at the table. Give me a second here. I was slowing down. I was rambling there. The inward reflection of the things that you know you need to do, I believe it was that is it is being just, you know, honest and accountable with yourself. And that’s ultimately when it comes down to. And so over these past few months, there are still so many things that I struggle and wrestle with that are unconscious, just things that pop into my head that I’m working on, just letting go just like the clouds come in and out. But there’s there’s things that I know behaviorally, systematically, habitual, you know, whatever it is, is one word trying to change ourselves. You can’t be doing the same things that you’re doing. Right? If you want to change yourself, you need to change so much of what you’re actually trying to do. And when we’re when we’re going through that process, we don’t expect you to change everything at once. It can’t be you really can’t do it all at once and if anything is going to be overwhelming, and the product of success, I saw this, Alex or mosey who is an entrepreneur, business educator, you know, that magic pill we talked about as everyone wants the one thing that will help them just break through and be huge and ultimately all the good businesses. They basically take a lot of little things and they change them over time. So as you’re consistently refining that, that’s where you see that ultimate growth and product Have who of who you are and who you want to be. And that’s what I’m trying to, you know, project myself as is like, Okay, well, what are some small little change that I consistently hack away at, and make these small adaptable changes to make me the best best version of me that I can be.

Anthony Gurule  20:17

And that’s the last few months has been more of a reflection points where I don’t, you know, like a lot of my goals and ambitions, they’re still they’re still there. But it’s but but it’s now coming with a different lens and a different focus, and more forgiveness. Because ultimately is like, I felt like I wasn’t good enough, if my goals weren’t accomplished within the next year, everyone talks about, you know, financial freedom within six months, or all those things. And that that could, if that’s ultimately what my goal was, I could definitely set my mind to that and accomplish it. But there’s other things in life right now that are more important than that. One of which is family, which I was, I was, I was honestly losing and not present for because of how I was mentally acting and behaving, if you want to call it that. And so these last few months have just been an awesome reflection of what’s actually important right now, where do I want you want to be? How do I want to define my goals and my timelines from an outside perspective, but more importantly, how to want to I want to define, you know, maybe my goals of who I am, and mile markers of goals of consistency, rather than outcome goals of the process of what I need to do habitually, to obtain this ultimate potential of, of what I am capable of, which has no limit, which is scary and kind of awesome at the same time, because if I’m not at my full potential, which is ultimately growth, you know, am I not? Yeah, I don’t know, I just had a thought to that, that I need to sit down for a little bit. But but and there’s no judgment against that. But my new goal is the process of consistency and creating the habits around some of those. And oh, the diet, that’s where it’s coming back to. And ultimately, one of those is, which for me, which many of us have around the New Years, is this diet aspect. And oftentimes, the the doing of the diet, which, you know, many would argue is not the right way to think about this, but it’s the stain of the nose that give you the better yes, is right, it’s, for me, I know, it’s this, this sense of eating better, cleaner, whatever you want to call it, is not necessarily like the extreme health benefits of what it gives you. But it’s the process of saying no to all that other stuff, which will ultimately give me so much more in return from not only a healthier body, potentially a better physique, as I cut out some of the fluff than the fluff comes off me, but also the discipline in nature of doing that, which then creates better discipline, habits and behavior for other things. And it’s been a crazy couple weeks and months after this, but I’m okay with not being okay and fully where I want to be. Whereas before I wasn’t, and I encouraged so many of you who are listening to this, to sit on some of that and and understand that it’s okay to not be where you want to be because we’re in the process. And where you want to be, that’s just one more data point along this whole long trajectory line. Right Thinking that, like, I used to just think, I guess, whatever retirement or fashion freedom would be, and I was like, Okay, well, I guess, you know, 2.0 lifestyle, I can do all this other stuff, but like, why can’t I do a lot of that now. And so ultimately, there’s a lot to sit on, there’s a lot to reflect on. And I apologize as this rant or, you know, long winded thought, at times seems ill defined and going but, but that’s part of what it is, is we’re trying to just think through these things and grab on to a few things that we find to be beneficial for us and ideally, let go of a lot of other things. And as I say no to certain things, letting go, I’m going to gain more. Right? As you sit and reflect, you’re going to better understand what is actually constructive to you and your thought process and your mindset or your body whatever that is and what is not that you can let go. Right. And understanding the journey and the process is a constant level of refining, polishing building destruction. Nope. build that up. That was not what I needed. tear that shit down, move on whatever and just keep going to that next thing and stop reflecting so much on all the things I’ve done wrong, you’ve done wrong, we’ve done wrong. come at it with a understanding of learning from those mistakes. Don’t just keep doing the same shit twice, which I’ve been guilty of mistake, a mistake done twice as a habit. I can’t remember who said that. Or as a choice sorry, mistake done twice as a choice. We’ve all been guilty of that before. But not judging myself. Like I’m clearly making a choice. Why am I making this choice? I don’t want to be making this choice. Is there something that’s driving me to make this choice? Or can I simply stop making this choice and move on to something else? Right. So thanks for sticking with me. This has been a it’s been a fun learning process. I’m real good. I hope you are too. If you’re not. There’s there’s resources. Ask, the biggest thing I would say just ask ask someone who’s close to you and just be like, Hey, I’m struggling with this. Do you have any insight, and those that care about you will help will help you find potential resources, either online or nearby that can help you and it does not only have to be so that’s like psychedelic therapy. I mean, I know I’ve shared so much about the benefits for me, that’s not for everybody. And that’s okay. Not everybody’s done it and they’ve improved. So we know there’s multiple roads to Rome. And it doesn’t have to be just this way. But ultimately, there there’s got to be worked on still. It’s not just like we just sit back and shits going to change. And that’s the one thing that I’ve realized more and more is like I’ve had to work harder at this stuff than I ever had before. But it’s bearing immediate fruits right now and I can only you know, hope and imagine what those would the fruits of my labor of work now we’re going to be in the future.