Hey what’s up guys, my name is Dr. Antonio, this is the live love life show. We are on, I’m on this journey, I’m bringing you guys along if you’re choosing to be here, and I’m recapping the, my experience in doing psychedelic therapy, this is something that’s completely new to me. You know, in college, drinking was something that I did smoking some weed was something that I have done in the past, but never anything about psychedelics. And I’ve been fascinated, I’ve been curious. And it’s been extremely helpful for this moment in my life. And for me, it’s a father, for me as a husband, for me, it’s just a person. And I’m just sharing, I’m just sharing the recounts of what I have experienced, and also the integration, and I’m hoping to do both those today. And I’m trying to keep this fresh, because my my third journey was just on Friday, and, you know, lots of bouncing through my bounce into my head and, and whatnot. And, uh, you know, there’s lots of process and a lot to go through. And that’s part of the integration part, which I’m catching up with, again, on tomorrow to kind of walk through some of this stuff, but I just wanted to share it. And so if you’re down, I encourage you to check out sessions one and two, which is just posted just before this. And just kind of hear about what those recounts were in with the recap was for this one was, each one’s different, each one’s so different. And, you know, I think there’s layers to it, because there were parts of, let’s say, the first, the first two that came up just a little bit, but the intention of this one was a little bit different, a little bit more focused, a little bit more structured, if you will, meaning my mindset and thought process, the second one was really open for anything. And this one. This one was kind of the same routes, I didn’t have really any expectations. And I kept going into that with a few different songs. Um, Trevor Hall is the artists that I’ve been following recently, and his music and his lyrics, and his words have been extremely helpful. And I said, on my playlists, I built the playlists for this journey, to have a few of his songs at the beginning here to help me as I’m starting to feel things increase, go deeper into that, and reframe instead of that mindset process, and a lot of that was without expanish expectation, that was one of it. And that’s one of his songs, and just kind of just trying to tune into a deeper connection to myself. And slow down were the second one I was I was amped, I was excited, because first one was so good, that my mind was just so much more excited. And this one I went in, and the intention was to slow down and to be a little calmer. And I think that helped significantly. And again, the whole point of this is to let whatever come out comes out to follow into float and to go with where it seems like the journey is guiding you and to not have any resistance or friction towards that. And a couple of the thing themes that came up was distractions. You know, one of the things that Ashley and I were talking about before was just attention and just like focusing your attention on, on on what is here and what is now and not getting distracted about everything else and just kind of coming back to distractions will come and go. And this is in part. The work that afterwards is just a meditation journey after this too, but the distractions will come and go. And in the point is to just slow down and try to grab your attention and bring it back to what you’re actually trying to do. And I apologize, this is gonna sound a little scattered. But I’m partially using this also for myself to try to recount this. So I can go back and listen to this, this video this audio and try to replay it again. So it will sound a little scattered as I’m thinking through this as we’re going. And so a lot of what happened in the first one was there’s a lot of waves and I was on the ocean. And I felt that if I could not be anchored. I can’t be the calm in the storm. Right and as a father figure, as a father figure, as a father as a leader in my family and the community. If I’m all over the place, I can’t be the calm in the storm and the storm hits and I’m all over the place then it’s just adding more craziness to that. And so that was a theme that came up and in the point was not that the storm won’t be there like I can’t change that. But if I don’t know where the harbor is where home is. I have less calmness in the storm. I feel like I’m just being taken away by whatever’s coming to get me off. or whatever is coming at me or whatever is pulling me. And that would again be whether it’s intention, whether it’s an event, whether it’s just something that sometimes negative comes up, you know, shit happens if I don’t have that harbor and then that harbor was in what I felt the analogy of me being comfortable with me and being confident about me. And having more love and respect for me, if I don’t have that, then I can’t be that calmness in the storm. And this was in direct relationship to my family, it wasn’t the business and all this other stuff didn’t come up, like for me, it was honing in on the calmness, I have to be the calmness in the storm for my family now, this is it starts with me. And then you know, there’s layers to it, like Michelle and I. And then when we come together, we’re even more powerful, because our assertive assertiveness in ourselves or calmness and confidence in ourselves can then be portrayed better because we are better connected, because each one of us are confident in ourselves, if that makes sense. And it was just like those adding layers to that. And then the kids felt more confident because of that, and they felt they felt safe, and they felt respected, and they felt heard, whatever that might be. And then all of a sudden, I would get more distractions. And from a lot of the things I’ve been trying to at least research or learn about from the meditative process is again, bringing that attention back in. So I would focus on just a face, like I put in a shelf space right in front of mine. And I will just try to, you know, as best as I can recount, you know, the curves of her face, the figure of her face, you know, the shadows, and all these different elements of it. And that and then bringing a lot of gratitude towards that, and thanking on, you know, thanking God, thank you, everything that’s above and beyond me that has created me and created everything. Just Just thank you have gratitude. And I’d say that time and time again, and I just say thank you. And then, you know, I thought we tried to race into my head, and I’d be like, No, I see your face. And I just keep looking at I’d say thank you. And I tried to think of something else about her that I love. And I’d say thank you, and so on and so forth. And then I went down the kids, I went to Bowdoin I went to laomi page and Vander, not so much for myself. Interestingly enough, the a lot of the focus was on them. But interestingly enough, one I had trouble with was my oldest son vote and, and we, we are two people that kind of butt heads, if you want to say that, you know, we we kind of crash into differences of opinions from time to time. And it’s not a bad thing. It’s just that what was going on, or what has been going on was, you know, this, this not calm in the storm. And then he would feed off of that, because he’s the oldest and he’s extremely smart, extremely bright, he would challenge me a lot. And that would bring up more friction between us. And so for him, I knew this was an issue and a problem that I’ve been having. And so I spent more time on him, I spent more time looking at him, I spent more time appreciating him in his curiosity and his questions and some of those things that sometimes I find as irritating as a blessing and something that I do truly love about him. And that I needed to cultivate in allowed to grow more and not put down just because I might be quote unquote annoyed at something that might possibly be, you know, going on or something like that. But ultimately, it was, you know, it was super beneficial to start from that track as I started to get distracted and pulled and then I would just say no, this is a distraction, come back in this is a distraction. And then I found myself, you know, if you want to say peace or comfort or, or something like that, after I went through that, that gratitude process, the ship that was on the ocean was able to sail and I didn’t have a specific destination, because the intention of going into this is just see where the journey goes. So I was just riding this ship. And I was just enjoying the waves and it was very calm and you know, things would come up and it would kind of be okay, sure, great, whatever that might be. And now we’re just say come back to the present and come back to the present and just float just flow that was kind of the the analogy if you will, was just flow and and that was kind of the first session of the journey. And it sounds so crazy, because that’s like a short period of time where I literally just described that but it seemed like like hours. And what was interesting at the end of this was I could feel myself coming down to the medicine a little bit more being a little bit more coherent into the thoughts and the processes that were coming out. And I could I could feel myself like that I kinda want to come out of this.

Anthony Gurule  10:04

And that would rest. I mean, it felt like I was honestly wrestling this for like hours. But it was long. It was nice it just now just this is the president, right? I don’t like, then I would think to my head, do I want more medicine? Do I not want more medicine? Do I want to go home? Do I want to stay here? And I did that those just keep popping in my head. And I’m just like, nope, let’s just let’s just sit here. Let’s just stay here a little longer. Let’s just keep flowing. Let’s just stay here. And then it would come up again. Alright, well, I’m kind of feeling out of this like, seems like it’s wearing off. Could I go deeper? Is this the end of it? I feel really good about what just happened. I’m like, I don’t really want to go back in because I feel fairly accomplished. Not in that there was an answer. But what came out of this was extremely beneficial. And I felt really, I felt really good. I felt really good. And so then I was wrestling with do I want more? Right? Do I do? Do I want to find more answers? Do I want to discover something else? And do I want to come out of this? Or do I want to just sit here and enjoy this? Because it was peaceful? It was good. And the revelation that came to me, which we’ve all heard, but it’s different until you feel it. And this is connecting back to session one where I was struggling where I was forcing things and as she was trying to get me to feel. And I’m like, Well, how do I feel, I don’t feel like I know how to feel. Because knowing thinking is just sitting there and literally feel it sounds so weird, at least to me, because that’s something I struggle with. For those of you who knew that you’re just like, I don’t know. But anyways, it came down to, like I don’t, I don’t want anything, I don’t want to come out of this, I don’t want more medicine, I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to be right here. And when you want nothing else, when you want nothing else you are truly present. That’s kind of what played into my head. In order for me to be 100% present in this moment of in the medicine or any other moment they’re in for moving forward to be fully present. I have to want nothing else. Now obviously, that’s going to be challenging, because when you’re living about there’s all these things coming in. But that’s the whole focus is to try to strip all those distractions away and want none of that right now so that I can be here, right now. And to me, that was that was a really profound moment. And it felt really good. And it felt like a, you know, a big, I don’t know, if you want to call it a roadblock overcome or a big step. To me, it was more it wasn’t like a roadblock per se, it felt more of like getting again to this next level. And that’s how I’ve always viewed always in this last this last little bit, that’s what I’ve really been noticing is like, it’s just different layers and different levels and different understanding and, and being able to go in deeper into something and elevating yourself to another level. And for me, that’s what it was, is in order for me to be present in my life and my family and my work, whatever that is, I kind of want nothing else I want to be right here right now. And so finally, and this was I was wrestling this before she actually, you know, brought me out of it. And then she gently touches my arm. And I kind of sit up and you get out of there. And you’re just like, whoa, and and I’m sitting there and you know, I’m kind of processing I’m trying to share what I saw as it just happened. And the intention of this one was to do a booster. So we went three and a half grams at the beginning. And then I have no idea on the timeframe. But like I think it was like two hours, somewhere around there. Afterwards, she was going to see if I wanted some more. And I’m sitting there and again, because I went to that new level. I’m like, this is cool. I feel really good. I feel accomplished. I felt like I hit some big milestones. I don’t know if I want to go any more like I’m really enjoying right now. Then she’s like, what, there’s no rush, just, you know, stay with the feeling. Stay with the vibe, keep keep kind of going. And I’m sitting there. And I’m so thinking just like, Oh man, I could you know, I really could go either way. I feel really good. And I’m sitting there and I’m sitting there and I’m trying not to think I’m trying to feel and ultimately it was just kind of, I don’t even know I went to the bathroom. I’m just I just kind of like let’s do it. And she just laughs and she’s like a mentor of mine always said if you’re unsure The answer is always yes. Like if it’s a no you know, it’s a no. And it was an interesting kind of relevation revelation and to not only what the next decision was in the choice, but then also choices then going forward just in life, right like some There’s definitely times where we wrestle with things that need the time. I have an understanding of sitting with it. I’m not saying you just rush and say yes. But But I started pondering more about that. It’s just like, maybe I’m just saying no to a lot of things. And I’m, and I’m decreasing my experience with certain things. And ultimately, it came down to, I was saying yes to distractions. I wasn’t saying yes to the deep work, if you want to call it that. I wasn’t saying yes to what actually needed to be done. And in my opinion, going into another journey with another round of medicine was the right thing that needed to be done. And, and so I’ve been I’ve been pondering and playing on that as well, too, is just like, what are we saying yes, to that we shouldn’t be, which is ultimately, you know, a no, it’s the opposite paradigm. If I’m saying, if I’m saying yes to something else, I’m saying no, to some to something else, right. And so for me, it was just like, if you’re unsure, it’s a yes. Like, if you’re, if you’re contemplating and it was in the context of school, there’s context, right? It was in the context of this is self improvement, right? She’s looking at me encouraging whatever path I want to go down. But the ultimately, I’ve seen such great benefit from what I’ve gone through, why wouldn’t I go again, right, I’ve seen so much positive benefit come out from this. This is just another layer and another level. And so we went right into it right away. So the booster. So obviously, there’s still a lot of the medicine working inside me. And a booster then kind of brings that up again, as opposed to me coming all the way back down. And, and so funny recounting the whole first part of this, the second part is becoming foggy. And when we kind of go back into it, right. And having said all that, the theme of not being grounded or anchored, came back again. And on this level, it was more about, you know, we’ve heard the term abundance and law of attraction and things like that. And I’ll be honest, I’ve never really felt that I don’t know what it means. People talk about it time and time, again, from a mindset perspective from, from so many different angles and levels. And I just never felt that I could do it. I was like, why am I not being able to track this? This comes into part two to have some of the guilt and shame that I’ve had from prior events, like, why would I be worthy of bringing things towards me if I feel guilty and ashamed of certain things. And there’s still that, that little bit of negative self talk, if you want to call it that meaning like, Oh, I’m not, I’m not good enough, for whatever reason, like I see other people doing other things. And they’re obviously better at doing that than me. So I must not be worthy of that greatness, because I just haven’t got there yet. But in reality, I just haven’t put the work in. Like, though, I don’t want to downplay what they’ve done, because they work hard to get to get there. And there’s always there’s got to be work to get to those next levels, like in doing this and in the medicine like it is. I just feel like I’m at this constant battle of myself. But it’s really cool to see what comes outside comes from the other side of putting the work in and having that wrestle with yourself. And this last one was very similar it was was a lot of distractions. And there’s, there’s a coach or practitioner, Joe Dispenza, who has a lot of work in this meditative space and healing space. And a lot of the videos I’ve seen him say before about meditation is he uses an analogy, like he actually just sounds like an animal or a dog, you just gotta tell yourself to sit, you’re gonna be all fidgety and your minds gonna start racing, they just tell yourself to sit. And then it’ll come up again, and you just sit and I swear, the whole last session was me just telling myself sit. And I’m sitting there, I’m trying to just take my breath and slow down, and then my mind would go somewhere else. And it’d be I don’t even know what it was think about all the distractions and I just say sit and sit there and I’m taking my breath and minds go somewhere else just say sit. And so I just kept coming back to me saying sit and who knows this could have gone on for five minutes could have gone on for three hours. But that’s what I kept doing. And I kept saying, and I kept coming back to just me sitting. And then I breathe and then the more I did this, the more I would sit and stay.

Anthony Gurule  19:29

I could feel myself interestingly enough as like, what they would refer to what people refer to as a magnet. Like I had a pole like there was literally this pole stuck in the earth, the ground the air, of everything. And with magnets, there’s polarity, so certain things were being you know, pushed away from it. Right to at the same size they repelled. And other things were being drawn in. And I could draw in more of that energy with how I Breathe and the deeper I would sit down the deeper out, breathe that fill it come in. And then the things that I didn’t want the opposition as I would breathe out, I could feel and see that which moving away. And then my mind would race or go somewhere else. And that in the magnet would go away, all those magnetic lines would start to dissipate. And I’d say sit and it would be hard to refined it because it was so powerful when I was in it, it was powerful. And then my mind would raise somewhere else just in a split second and almost be like it was wiped away. And I’d say sit, then it would take me a little bit, a couple of breaths to get back to where I was. And then interestingly enough, some negative thoughts would come up. And the vision would not go black, but turned darker. And that negative thought negative energy, whatever you want to call it would start to damp and everything and everything got started a little darker. And then. And then I had this thought of just like whoa, shit, this is opposite. Magnus oppose certain things like Let’s just flip the polarity. And I’ll just flip my poles like the polarity, right? And all that negative thought that just got pushed away as I sat there. And so it’s interesting, right? Because it comes back down to like choice. And that was one of the things that came up in our conversation before. And what Ashley is she’s she’s so brilliant, and she’s so good at what she does is she never tells you to do anything. It’s all maybe not even suggestions because suggestion sounds like not manipulative, but it’s kind of like, like, you should be doing this, right? It’s just questions of curiosity. And then she presents you with a choice, right? Like, what are your thoughts? Do you want to go back into the medicine? Do you want to do another round, right. And ultimately, as she had described to us, it’s all a choice, right? Your choice of being angry, happy, sad, mad, it’s all a choice. And there are going to be always things that fire you up and get you aggravated, if you will. And it’s your response or choice to that, which ultimately is the deciding factor of where everything goes. And so that again, that polarity was there, and it was anchored down. And I had that option of switching. And what was really cool though, is there was a time in which I could if you were to say like hit different wavelengths. So in period imagine air right, you have all the sky, certain currents of air or wind patterns, right, some are moving fast or some are moving slower, depending on the depth. And from that magnetic field that I had created in that pulling in and pulling out. I could then tap into different what sounded or seemed like frequency levels. But um, I hope this one’s kind of nice. I’m feeling this, I’m digging this and I’ve kind of like come up here. And I take those deep breaths in and I pull in more of that. And then it’s kind of like, alright, that’s kind of cool. Let me see what that one feels like. Or if something’s not jiving with me, I’m like, I’m going to come down out of that one, because that one wasn’t working with me right now. And I would just sit there and that they sit, no distractions, distractions come up, just come back and sit and breathe. And it just magnified that. So that’s the recount. That’s the recap the recount, I’ve had a lot to work through with that and see how it processes but the integration for this one’s pretty simple to me. I just need to sit more need to sit, let the distractions go. Breathe, be in that moment want nothing try to sit it’s been a wrestle in this these first few days already. Because it’s just so unfamiliar. Obviously, the medicine helps the focus the attention, that’s why a lot of people talk about the micro dosing and things like that, but there’s got to be a you beyond that, in my opinion. And so I did will be continuing to microdose to see where it fits like you know, every day is different. But there’s like today it was just on I did a run and that was my focus is just played a lot of the same music and stuff and trying to just stay focused, let the distractions come and go. And then after that, I just sat and just sat and just do my thing. So you know, they say it’s a learning process, you’re not going to just know what to do. And it’s an ongoing learning process. And I’m always gonna be able to do because there’s always distractions, there’s always shit that comes up. But I believe that the more I can sit and be with myself and understand that the stronger that magnet is going to be the stronger that that harbor is going to be that that will help my calm in the storm or whatever storm as opposed to me just getting super, you know, erratic and all over the place and just trying to constantly put out the fires and deal with all the shit coming in. It’s always going to be there and I’m just going to sit and take some breaths and figure out how to do You know, attract whichever pole is coming into me to bring in more of the energy in the sport that I might need. And for some of that stuff that I can just let go and just try to reverse that pole and shoot that shit out there, right? Some of that stuff’s going to be strong, and it’s gonna be bouncing back against me. And then there’ll be a wrestle, wrestle. But that is the integrative piece. I don’t know what that means for you, because I’ve listened to podcasts where people talk about this stuff, and they’re just like, what, sometimes it’s you gotta have experience it to know, but your experience is gonna be different than mine. But now I’m starting to see what everyone else was talking about. When it comes to a meditative process. Your meditative process is going to be different and unique for you. But it might be something worth to try is just treat yourself like Joe, Dr. Joe Dispenza says, like a dog, and just when you want to get up and wander, just sit, sit a little longer, you’ll get better at it. And then you’ll just slow down and breathe, and just sit. Thoughts will come in, try to let it go. Sit a little longer. You might imagine yourself as magnet, pulling things in or just flowing with the wind and seeing what comes or flowing in the ocean. I don’t know, whatever works for you. But I appreciate those of you that have been on this journey and watch this. There’s so much research resources out there about this. Now it’s growing. There’s different summit events and webinars and obviously a ton of people that are producing content out on YouTube and a couple of good documentaries in my mind that are on Netflix, fantastic fungi. And I think it’s just how to change your mind by Michael Pollan. But they’re, they’re super fascinating. They have a ton of information and resources. So if you’re, if you’re, if you’re feeling like you might be more more curious about this, I suggest maybe checking out some of those and seeing what can open up possibilities for you. So thanks for tuning

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